Esculent – Pulling a meal out of your ass
Blogarella is morphing into Old Mother Hubbard, but not because she had to fetch her poor dog a bone. She actually suspects that her poor dog might be eating better than her since he often solicits neighbors for food when they are trying to feed their own canine companions. Today was a late day at the office and the cupboard was bare. While I love convenience, there comes a time when you’ve seen one too many dollar menus and its time for an actual meal. I contacted Mr. Blogarella and was informed that he had eaten all of our sausage, and now he was working on our bacon. This meant that I had to find something to do with the bacon before he got to it. Frantically, I dialed a parent. Upon answering, I said “I have to make dinner and all I have is bacon!” They went on to rave about a dish called carbonara. When I asked how to make a carbonara, they replied, “go on the internet.” Wow! The parental units have certainly become saavy! After scouring my poor cabinets, I discovered that there was zero pasta, but plenty of rice. So after some intense googling, I came across a Alex, somebody I may never know, but I was able to adapt his recipe for rice carbonara, and I’m happy to report that it was eaten with a smile by Mr. Blogarella who said “you really pulled a rabbit out of a hat tonight.” It was true. Here is the recipe from Alex, or as I like to call him, the man who saved dinner:
- 2 pieces of Bacon, diced
- 2 Egg Yolks
- 1/4 cup Romano or other Hard Strong Cheese
- 1 1/2 cups Short Grained Rice
- 3 cups Water
- Salt, Pepper & Basil
Cook the rice as according to the package.
Cook the bacon until almost crisp then put in a large bowl (straining out the grease).
Whisk the egg yolks with the cheese and add to the bacon. Stir in the cooked rice and add the seasonings to taste.
Esculent Recipe – When Mac & Cheese Alone Won’t Cut It
Some days, you just don’t have time to care about what is being put on your dinner table. Sadly, Blogarella feels like this most days, and uses pregnancy as her scapegoat. Why? Because she’s carrying the future Miss America in her womb, therefore she gets to pull the “tired” card more often than most. Blogarella encourages other pregnant women to do this, and while you are at it, go ahead and say anything you want to your man, anything! You can always blame it on the hormones later. Its not often in life where you will get a get-out-of-jail-free card that lasts for 9 months, so embrace it, nuzzle it, rub it all over your naked body!
Blogarella hasn’t shopped, and thinks its perefectly acceptable to eat frozen pizza with self rising crust most nights of the week. Mr. Blogarella does not agree with this, something about nutrition? I don’t know, mostly I think he just despises the world of convenience and uses nutrition as a scapegoat (sounds familiar). Sometimes when he is in the middle of a nutrition related rant, I hum Dolly Parton songs in my head to block out the noise, sort of like I used to do as a kid when my brother would play really crappy records. Last night was the usual “We have a frozen pizza” discussion, the one that Blogarella hardly ever wins. Therefore, a meal of uber-convenience, little effort, and high flavor had to happen, somehow. So I present “When Mac & Cheese Alone Won’t Cut It!” I am confident this is not the last time I will have to turn mac & cheese into something slightly more fabulous, so here is take 1:
Tuna Mac & Cheese
1 Box of Mac & Cheese (the stuff that has to gooey cheese envelope included)
2 Cans of tuna fish
Italian style Breadcrumbs
Garlic
Pepper
1. Boil mac & cheese according to instructions on box. When its done, drain the water, and dump the mac into a bowl. Add the 2 cans of tuna fish (make sure you work some magic on this with a fork first, unless you like super chunky tuna bites). Sprinkle some garlic powder and pepper on top. Add cheese and stir. Gradually add some breadcrumbs to the mix, and voila – or something like that!
Esculent – Microwaves aren’t just for popcorn anymore
Mr. Blogarella has enriched my life in a way that nobody ever has. On our first date, he made homeade salsa for me, and the moment it touched my lips, he might as well have hit me over the head with a club and dragged me back to his cave. Some may ask “is basing your decision for a mate on their ability to simply cook food a wise idea?” The answer is hell yes!!! There is nothing worse than a man who’s only culinary function revolves around using a grill. Granted grills are great, and men cooking is equally great, but a grill to a man is no different than a video game system, or an old muscle car, its simply a toy, but an important one. A man would probably give his left nut to save his favorite grill, video game system, or muscle car from certain destruction. For us as a couple, we knew that my father approved of our courtship the day he let Mr. Blogarella use his beloved gas grill unsupervised.
As our relationship evolved, other things were cooked, and other methods of cooking were used, including cooking in my overpriced popcorn popper (aka the microwave). Granted, I haven’t figured out how far I can go with microwave cookery, and being that this isn’t 1982, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to find out. However, its nice to have options. So here I present some simplistic microwave cookery involving my favorite food group, the potato:
Hint: ALWAYS make sure you puncture your potatoes in a few places to ensure complete cooking
Easy Mashed Potatoes
Place some potatoes in a bowl, and cover the hole with Saran Wrap, puncturing the top of the Saran Wrap with a fork to let out the steam. Microwave for about 8-10 mins, and remove. Proceed to mash away and ad milk and butter until its the consistency you like.
The Quickie
While nothing on this planet will ever beat a baked potato from Wendy’s, this is good if you are in a baked potato mood, but too lazy to go out to the car, and too lazy to turn on the oven.
Take a fork punctured potato and cover with Saran Wrap. Puncture the Saran Wrap a little bit too. Microwave for about 5-10 minues depending upon whether or not you have a microwave as crappy as mine. Remove using an oven mit, take of wrapper, and proceed to do whatever you normally do with a baked potato.
Fries for my Homies
Use the baked potato method from above. When complete, quarter the potato, and yeah, some skin will probably fall off, but there are worse things. Proceed to sautee your quarters in a frying pan with your choice of oil and spices. Personally, I use olive oil for everything, and I’m addicted to creole seasoning, but if you prefer your spices milder, stick with salt, pepper, and some paprika.
Esculent I – Easiest Chicken Pot Pie Ever
OK, I’m lying. The easiest chicken pot pie ever is the one you remove from your freezer and fling on the counter with a resounding thud. Its one of those food items that are often a last resort and often require contempation between that and the other frozen thing in your freezer that you cannot identify clearly through the blanket of ice that has formed around it. I promise this is easy, and yes, some assembly is required, but its still faster than coloring your own hair, and it smells a lot better.
A Blogarella original:
Chicken Pot Pie
1 Can of Cambell’s Healthy Request Cream of Chicken Soup
1 Cup of diced chicken or turkey
1 cannister of Pillsbury Reduced Fat Crescent Rolls, unrolled and flat
1 cup of frozen veggies(this is just an estimate since I didn’t put them directly in the recipe)
In a pie plate combine the soup and the vegetables and mix together. Top with flat crescent roll dough. Bake in the oven at 400 degrees until golden brown (up to 30 mins). Slice and serve hot.
