Ready or not, here comes mama!
Blogarella must look pretty good from behind. While grabbing some napkins and a straw at the coffee stand at the gas station, she was approached by a man. He said “Hey baby, how you doing?” I promptly turned face front and excitedly replied “I’m great! How are you?” To which he said “WHOAAAAAA! Look at Mama!” Yep, mama’s still got!
Do you know what it feels like for a girl?
Whats it like being in the home stretch before bambino? Hm, lets see…have you ever swallowed an entire Thanksgiving turkey bones and all? Imagine you did, and then you decide you need to bend over, but you have a wing sticking into your ribs. Or perhaps you need to drive somewhere and look behind you, but you have to rely on mirrors because your stomach is too big to turn around? (note: this may have resulted in me running over the neighbor’s bush in their front yard). Next, imagine the turkey in your stomach comes to life and starts rolling around like its looking for an escape. Its about as comfortable as sitting in a traffic jam on a hot day with busted air conditioning.
Alas, I have had to submit to the awesome power of the boppy. I didn’t want to do it! Stupid hype! Hype makes me crazy, especially when it revolves around a $45.00 pillow! However, one was given to me as a gift, and I was told that its for feeding the baby. Guess what, baby isn’t here, so its for supporting big momma! I’ve been wearing it around my back because I’m going around looking like an elderly woman with sans the walker (another note: my grandmother’s walker is pretty pimped out and I hope that I’m that bad ass when I’m her age). I boppy to the car, I take it to bed, and when I wake up to go to work and say goodbye to Mr. Blogarella, he is wearing it around his neck. Baby doesn’t get boppy, baby gets bupkis, its mine mine mine!
Walking sucks ass and when I see a person who has to use a mobility scooter, I get jealous. At work I asked if they would just wheel me around on a dollie and they laughed – I wasn’t joking! The worst is when you finally get yourself situated comfortably, well, about as comfortable as you could possibly be as if you were on a 5 hour car ride sandwiched between two family members, one has their head on your shoulder, and the other is sleeping so comfortably their legs are spread wider than an actress on the set of a dirty movie. So, you’ve finally reached that point where you move around and sort of feel ok enough to relax, but then something dumb happens, like your neighbor knocks on your door because he had another fight with his wife and he wants to use your phone to call 911 on her – again, not joking!
But I’m sure this is all worth it, false labors, mood swings, and all. Mr. Blogarella is told how much I hate him at least twice a day, and I’ve banned him from ever touching me again unless I get spayed or neutered. Or, I could just torture him and subject him to hours of annoying children’s programming. My goodness, having this much power is dangerous!
